A High Class Psychic, If I Ever Heard of One

Final word count for the day: 12, 546. Which means I am 1/4 of the way done, and the plot has barely advanced.

Day three, while just as prolific as day 1 and 2, was different in terms of what I was writing. My book took a bit of a serious twist. There is something dark in the past of the York family. Something which has yet to be addressed fully, just alluded to. Which means that I have no idea what it is. But I am sure it will reveal itslf to me in time. But I talked a lot more about feelings and emotions. Tried to convey how much James and Julie love each other. It was hard. It is much easier for me to write funny things than it is to write serious things. So it took awhile, and a couple of silver bullets to get it out of me. With some success.

But it wasn't all work and no play. Some decidedly hilarious events took place. I was inspired by Katie's unicorn reference, for one. But I don't have enough room to put both references I make into this blog...You'll see when you read the whole thing.

A quick preface to my excerpt:

Julie and James are calling their family and friends to tell them about their engagement. We learn that Julie has to make a few calls that she would rather not make.

And now was the moment I had dreaded for the entire day. Every other phone call paled in comparison to the next two I had to make. I braced myself with a quick shot of vodka, picked up the phone, and dialled. Despite the fact that I hat not dialled the number in 10 years, I still knew it off by heart. Funny the way the mind works.

It rang once. Twice. Thrice. I had just started to think I would be lucky enough to get the machine when a whispering, deep yet feminine voice answered the phone.

"Hello?"

My mother. I slight, fragile looking woman whose looks are incredibly deceiving. I have never known anyone stronger, or more volatile than she. I took a deep breath, and dove in.

"Hello, mother," I said, my voice ice cold. Colder than your roomates' girlfriend, if you know what I am talking about. If you don't, I'm referring to the cold-certified Coor's Lights residing in my refrigerator.

"Julie? Darling, I was just thinking about you," she breathed. She and I both knew that she was not thinking about me. Delores Taylor thought of no one but herself. Occasionally, she thought of her small Chihuahua, Mitzi. but considering the amount to time that had passed since I had seen Mitzi, it was unlikely that she was in the land of the living. It was infinitely more likely that she had passed on to doggie heaven. And everyone knows that all dogs go to heaven.

"Isn't that an odd coincidence, mother," I said.

"Julie, dear, there are no coincidences. I was thinking about you because I am a psychic. I knew that you would be calling," she whispered.

"Are you now, mother?" Then you must already know what I am calling about," I tested, knowing full well that she was not a fucking psychic. This was simply her latest craze. The latest in a long chain of crazes that lasted no more than a month or two. The last time I had spoken to her, she was learning the art of feng shui. My mother was spoiled. She had married a very rich, and very stupid, man named Charles Wood. Charles, despite the fact that my mother was pure evil, loved her dearly and fulfilled her every indulgence.

"I will not respond to such petty trifles as that, Julie York," she said, predictably. As if she were to 'high class' a psychic to respond to such foolish questions. Ugh. "You may tell me yourself what you are calling about, however, you should not expect me to be surprised when you do so." I could practically see her doing this finger-twirling gesture that indicated to those around her that we were wasting her time, and we should hurry up if we did not want to waste any more.

"I am getting married, mother," I said bluntly. I heard a loud static sound over the line. It took me a moment to realize that my mother had been taking a drink, and had spat it out in surprise after hearing my news. So much for not being surprised, you phony ass hat, I thought to myself. I could hear her trying to pull herself together.

"Of course you are, darling," she said with mock composure, her voice cracking slightly.

"And you must know already that he proposed last night, and the wedding date is August 27 of this year," I stated, matter-of-factly.

"Of course I do. Would you stop boring me with the details, please, dear? I am very busy today." Sure you are, I thought, as busy as someone could be who has never worked a day in her life.

"Well, I...I just thought that I would...that I would let you know," I said awkwardly. I was defeated. I needed to get off the phone with her, but was unsure of how to go about it. This conversation had taken a decidedly strange, and upsetting turn. Luckily, my mother broke the silence first.

"Julie, darling, I really must go. Charlotte and I are scheduled to groom our unicorns in three hours and I have to prepare my aura. They are beastly creatures when you are around them with the wrong aura," she said. I nearly laughed out loud, before she laughed haughtily and continued. "But you wouldn't know anything about that, no, would you darling? You have never been around a unicorn in your life" As if this was some kind of insult. "And I can tell even over the phone that your aura is all muddy and black. And you are polluting mine over the airways. I really must go cleanse my aura" she finished, quickly hanging up before saying good-bye. It spoke volumes of my mother that I didn't even give her insane unicorn ramblings a second thought.

Sorry about the long post, but it requires a lot to fully describe Delores Taylor.