Introduction to The Intentionally Opaque Language of Cheese: 19,098 words

I had an inspired writing session this morning. I have been knee-deep in Week 2 blues for a few days, even before Week 2 started. I wasn't liking my characters. I didn't love the unexpected directions that the plot was taking. I grew tired of writing New York Times Fashion satire.

But introducing Agatha as a character has introduced new life into my novel. New purpose. I was able to write 2,400 words today. It took a few hours, since there was a lot of research to do on cheeses. Below you will find a somewhat lengthy exerpt, with the beginning of the first unit of the George Brown Professional Cheesemonger Program, entiteled: Introduction to The Intentionally Opaque Language of Cheese.

Enjoy!

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I queued up the video for the unit, seeing Dr Savoir’s now familiar face fill the screen, then pressed “play.”

“Floral, grassy, yeasty, barnyardy, gamey, funky, nutty, herbal, explosive, sharp, mushroomy,” Dr Savoir started. “These are all words that can be used by a Cheesemonger to describe the aromas and flavours of cheese. Think back to your last book club. Karen was in the corner, proselytizing about the complex flavours of Babybel, everyone around her smiling and nodding, agreeing that the Babybel was well-paired with the full-bodied Merlot. Then Ken snickered, shouting ‘If anyone orders merlot, I’m leaving. I am not drinking any fucking merlot!’ Quoting the inimitable Paul Giamatti. Amateur hour.

“It is my job to take you from amateur hour to Professional Cheesemonger in six units. So pull up your cheese-tasting pants, and lets get started.

“We will open with the Buffalo mozzarella. This is a cheese with mild aromas. Other examples of mild aroma cheeses include: cream cheese, ricotta, cottage cheese, mascarpone. Aroma is the smell of the cheese, whereas flavour is the taste. Cheeses can be categorized based on their aromas and flavours, and as strong or mild.”

I looked quickly to my wine tray, pouring myself a small tasting glass of the sauvignon blanc. Taking a sniff, I noted the aromas of freshly cut grass and asparagus. 

“Many think that Buffalo mozzarella is made in Buffalo, much like Burgundy wine is made in Burgundy region and Champagne is made in the Champagne region. I would bet that Karen and Ken do. Again, amateur hour. Buffalo mozzarella is made with with milk from the animal Buffalo, not the city. It differs from cows milk mozzarella in that it is creamier, softer and far more flavourful, with a tanginess and depth of flavour that is all it’s own.

“Words used to describe the mild aromas of Buffalo mozzarella cheese include lactic and musky, while flavour notes include mild, milky, slightly acidic. The texture is creamy and elastic. Once you have earned your cheesemongering chops, you will be able to tell if the Buffalo mozzarella you are eating is made with milk harvested during the summer or the winter, as the flavours and aromas in the cheese change depending on the diet the Buffalo is consuming. Their diet changes seasonally.”

Here I paused the video I took a small taste of the cheese, closing my eyes to focus my senses on the taste, smell, texture and mouth-feel. Chewing slowly and deliberately, I found myself for the first time actually tasting and smelling what was being described. I alternated bites of cheese with small sips of wine until both were complete. I was then ready to move onto the next cheese, after taking extensive notes in my notebook.

“While Mozzarella is an example of a cheese with mild aromas, we will next explore strong aroma cheeses. Please note that we have an entire unit dedicated to stinky cheeses, guest-lectured by Ned Palmer. Stinky cheeses separate the wheat from the chaff, or the curd from the whey if you prefer. Your average Ken or Karen cannot tolerate a strong scented cheese. They use words like ‘disgusting’, ‘putrid’, or ‘vile.’ As a cheesemonger, you must develop an appreciation for these cheeses, leaving Ken and Karen behind at their book club with their Babybel.