39,370 Ways to Avoid Looking Like an Old Millenial: Sock Wars Edition

Claire continues in her zoom meeting with her editor and publisher. I've learned by perusing NYT style pages that "Zillennials" are trying to be a "thing". Definition: micro generation, making up young Millennials and older Gen Z. Born somewhere roughly between 1990 and 2000. Complain about constantly feeling ‘in between’ the two generations (which is, by definition!!!! their lot in life...)

I read some fairly entertaining think pieces on Gen Z vs Millennial vs Zillennial fashion. I think you will find this exchange amusing.

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“Right now, we are at the midway point of adulthood. A point of transition. Of ‘in between’ if you will. So that feeling has been exacerbated. For me, the itty-bitty crop tops of my youth seem too revealing, yet I don’t want to look matronly. I decided to renounce my short-short cutoffs, but the longer shorts I bought to replace them feel dowdy and unstylish. I want to evoke that I’m still young and interested in fashion but avoid looking like a TikTok victim. So I’ve had to immerse myself in the world of fashion, and I am testing the waters of being a ‘stylist’, so to speak, here at Penguin Random House Canada. An ‘editor of fashion’, as it were,” Suzie says.

She really is droning on here. 

“Shall I cut to the chase?” She asks.

I am unsure if this is a rhetorical question or an actual question. I make the safe decision to answer her. “Yes.”

“Since you have this really important upcoming book tour stop on a ship, and it’s going to be a big deal. I had a few notes on fashion that I think might help really sell the book and really set the tone for the event,” Suzie says with a fervour I have never before seen.

“Sure,” I say.

“Ok!” Suzie says, her enthusiasm rising to a fever pitch. “The first thing we need to talk about is your socks. The ankle socks. They make you look old. You’ve got to get some longer socks on you. I almost exclusively wear crew socks. You know, the kind that reach your calves? I’ve gotten so used to not seeing my ankles that it would be really jarring if I did.

“And I was a little nervous to bring this up to you. Because the sock wars are real. I have seen some Millennials on TikTok saying ‘You will pry these ankle socks off my cold, dead feet.’ It’s deadly serious. There was an article in Vogue last month titled ‘Jennifer Lawrence Bravely Steps Out in Millennial socks. So even America's Sweetheart has entered the fray.

Jennifer Lawrence Bravely Steps out in Millennial Socks

“But I read an article in the New York Times Fashion section that made me feel hopeful that at least some millennials are crew-sock-curious. The Times quoted Renée Reina Grenon, a 39-year-old podcast host in Ontario, Canada, who had ordered a six-pack of crew socks on Amazon after seeing that they were popular among Gen Z. She said she has been urging her husband to lose the ankle socks, too. ‘I’m trying to explain to him that it’s not cool anymore,’ she said to him.”

“Crew socks. Noted,” I say.

“And there are some other Millennial wardrobe classics that are just embarrassing and out of date. I’m not sure if you wear them or not. But I need to list them out to make sure that we cover our bases and protect against disaster.”

I nod.

“We’ll get straight to it: It might finally be time to retire your skinny jeans. I don’t really want to wear things that are really tight and go down to my ankles. And we already talked about how embarrassing it is to show your ankles,” she says. “If you want to wear a jean, choose a low rise and wide leg jean. Even a boot cut. But what I am wearing and dressing my  clients in are cargo pants with drawstrings at the bottom and wide-leg pants. Oh, and those wide brimmed hats? Those can be left in 2012.”

“Ok. We will have to agree to disagree here. Socks? Fine. I’ll wear crew socks. I could care less about socks and sock height. Cargo pants? Wide legs? Low rise boot cut jeans? I would rather die. And those wide-brimmed hats? Have you ever wondered why Millennials look younger than Gen Z? It’s a really easy answer. Sun protection. We care about it.”

“You are getting pretty hot under the collar here. Typical Millennial,” Suzie says with good humour, exaggeratedly rolling her eyes. “Though, I guess I am lucky that it’s just one collar and not two collars.”

I must look confused, because Suzie continues, “Don’t tell you that you don’t remember the two popped polo collars trend.”