3156 words describing the "Hot Runner Summer"

Inspired by "Ben Affleck Summer" (aka stressed out and with an iced coffee) I did a Google Image search of "stressed out runner". The results were delightful. I have posted my favourite photo below, which I think really embodies the ethos of the Inaugural Bank of Nova Scotia Return to Office 5km "Marathon" - the name of which keeps expanding to pad my word count.

My main character (who somehow STILL does not have a name) spent my entire writing block in Gordon's "Fartleks and Fangs" running shop. Maybe the whole novel will just take place here...

Just then, my phone pings with a work email. Reflexively, I check the screen to see the preview.

“An important message from Chuck,” it reads.

“You should read that. Immediately. And without delay,” Gordon says, his voice far too close to my ear. He was just across the room. How did he get behind me?

“You should probably not sneak up on people. Or read their phone screens,” I tell him. But I do has he says and quickly open up the email. A quiver of anticipation runs through me. I am not sure why. I have never had a “quiver of anticipation” when receiving an email from our head of HR before. I am certain that no one else has either.

MEMORANDUM

To: Employees of the Bank of Nova Scotia

From: Chuck, Head of Human Resources, Bank of Nova Scotia

Date: July 1, 2025

Subject: Information re: Return to Office 5km “Marathon” and Mandatory training

Further to the memorandum you will have received earlier this afternoon, I will be your “team leader” for the inaugural Return to Office 5km “Marathon”. Although this running is mandatory, I hope that we can find freedom and joy in moving our bodies together. Please do not make any complaints to HR about the phrasing of that previous sentence. I assure you, it has been vetted through the proper channels. All complaints about this will be discarded.

To any employee who is offended by that phrasing: I think  that you would benefit from learning about the unconscious and the psychological defence of projections and transferences that emanate from the unconscious of a person, especially one with a highly dysregulated nervous system. I am a human being too — I have done it and can do it (still do it at times) and that’s why I know about it experientially.

But I digress.

I will see you all promptly at 12:15pm tomorrow afternoon for our first “lunch run”. Please ensure you bring proper attire. This includes proper footwear and proper technical apparel. Be conscious of sun protection.

There will be mandatory reading to accompany our work towards the Inaugural Return to Office 5km “Marathon”. We have partnered in our “running” efforts with illustrious runner, sports physiologist and local running store “entrepreneur” Dr Gordon Toodie. His dissertation, Becoming Marathon: Breaking Through the Effort-Distance Paradox, is the “runner’s bible” and will help guide you through the post-modern complexities of the runner’s mindset.

He tells me that copies are available at his store and that today only he is offering them at a discounted rate of 50% off.

Ensure that you have at least read the “special foreword” that he has written in honour of the Inaugural Bank of Nova Scotia Return to Office 5km “Marathon” by tomorrow’s training run.

“See” you all tomorrow!

Chuck