Day 10: 12,318 words and too much to write!

Another fantastic day of writing behind me. I sat down with the plan to write a hilarious segment about a "semi-mandatory" work potluck, including an AI generated song with all employees names - but then Jackie sent the hilarious article about Jack Bauer - both of them. So I pivoted.

I felt like my memo was the funnier of the two things I wrote today, so I'm sharing that instead. You'll have to wait for the full novella for the Jack Bauer hilarity. (Or actually jsut read the article that Jackie sent, because I plagiarized and only lightly edited it for humour).

 

MEMORANDUM

To: Employees of the Bank of Nova Scotia

From: Chadwick Penneyworth, Senior Management at the Bank of Nova Scotia

Date: July 3, 2025

Subject: “Operation Hot Commie Summer”

Hey everybody. Chadwick Penneyworth here. I thought I’d just shoot you a quick voice memo to tell you what we’ve been “cooking up here” in Senior Leadership. Haha, lol, smiley emoji. You’ll notice and appreciate that the tone of voice I am using is evocative of the Comic Sans font we all know and love. Casual. Informal. Quirky. Approachable. Non-threatening. Ha. Ha.

So yeah, some new information has just come down the  pike. Or is it pipe?

Before I get into it, I need you to know that we here at Senior Leadership are on your side. We’re on your team, no matter what you’ve heard over at the old water cooler. In all seriousness, water cooler gossip is a fireable offense so you know, talk like someone’s listening and recording everything you say, HA!

So having said all that, like I said before there’s been some new information that's come across my desk. It seems that not everybody is happy with the Return to Office Mandate. Or the running thing. I can’t imagine why, when it’s all been working out so swimmingly. 

It’s come to my attention that there is a group of disgruntled employees who are “assembling” against Senior Leadership. Organizing a resistance, as it were. So to speak. If you don’t mind the turn of phrase. HA!

They are calling their little quest “Operation Hot Commie Summer.” The Bank of Nova Scotia does not and never has tolerated any sort of political gatherings of our employees. “Separation of Church and State” is what we always say. It’s on a plaque in the lobby. Any employee found to be participating in “Operation Hot Commie Summer” will be faced with disciplinary action up to and including immediate termination. As such, the parties responsible for yesterday’s “gas leak” are no longer with us. I’ll leave it to you to figure out if I mean “no longer with us” as in fired or “no longer with us” as in dead.

All kidding aside, this is a very very serious legal situation. Work like you’re going to be fired tomorrow, is what they always say down in Legal! Haha, hang ten emoji.

Oh. And to improve employee morale in place of tomorrow’s lunch run we will have a “Semi-Mandatory” pot luck lunch. For socializing only! It will be fun, we promise! (This will not be paid time). Bring your smile and something delicious! Semi-mandatory still means mandatory. It just sounds friendlier. 

Love ya,

Chadwick