Day 18: 22,203 prizes for the Return to Office 5km "Marathon"
I took yesterday off since I was exhausted and sore from my real life hill repeats run in the awful heat and humidity. Sadly, Jake Kneiss did not show up. Back at writing today. Can't share anything that I wrote, since I'm in the final phase and it's all spoilers, so I'm sharing a gem from much earlier. It is the from the first Mandatory Lunch run - and they are discussing prizes for the Return to Office 5km 'Marathon'. Enjoy!
Blessedly interrupting my humiliation, Chuck starts yelling again into the megaphone. Clearly, he has forgotten that the entire purpose of the megaphone is to raise the volume of your voice for you such that you do not have to yell.
“I’m delighted to announce the prize pack for the winner of the Inaugural Bank of Nova Scotia Return to Office 5 km ‘Marathon’!” Chuck shouts. “Huddle around everyone. The prize pack includes: a burned CD labelled ‘Summer Jams 2002’, an unopened and unexpired pack of Gushers, a partially empty Lisa Frank sticker sheet, a VHS tape of The Land Before Time IV,, a gently used Tamagotchi, a single Heely - the original shoe with wheels, and a Beanie Baby wearing sunglasses. Oh and last but not least a plastic kazoo, shaped like a dolphin."
“Pretty standard for a Semiotics of Your Sad Little Life bundle,” Jake scoffs.
“Actually, a Semiotics of Your Sad Little Life bundle includes: a miniature IKEA couch with ‘late capitalism’ stitched into it, a tarot deck made entirely of Instagram ads, a glossary of ironic detachment, a flowchart mapping Starbucks orders to unresolved trauma, and a monocle that turns all Spotify Wrapped data into existential despair,” I hear someone behind me correct Jake. I turn and see Chadina. Chazzy.
“The prize pack that Chuck has outlined is actually a Foucauldian Discourse Analysis Aid Starter Pack. Deluxe edition, since it includes the much-coveted plastic kazoo shaped like a dolphin. That certainly does not come with any standard set!” she finishes with vigour.
Wow, I can't tell which of these prize packs I would enjoy more. I'm lying. Semiotics bundle please!!!
ReplyDeleteWe may be among a small subset of the world who will fully understand this excerpt. And I understand it in my soul. I must know the origin of the image - AI? What was your query? What came first, the image or the excerpt????
ReplyDeleteAI generated image. Excerpt came first. I put in the query "generate an image based on this emiotics of your sad little life bundle"
DeleteI share Jackie's interest in finding out your search term for that photo. I do think I would prefer the Foucauldian Discourse Analysis Aid Starter Pack, even if it is the equivalent of a tricycle.
ReplyDeleteI am firmly in the Semiotics for Your Sad Little Life Bundle camp. I am actually saddened that this is not a real thing, because I got so excited as I read its description. I felt seen. Also, was Chazzy flirting with Jake???
ReplyDeleteClassic esnowrimo trope of making a list of random items hilarious. Anyone with functioning sensory organs would be delighted to win any of those packs although the dolphin shaped kazoo does at something special to the deluxe Foucauldian Discourse Analysis Aid Starter Pack.
ReplyDelete